Assholeness

June 7, 2020

Be Kind Out There

Inciting Violence Is Not Progress

The outrage is just. But violence? Shouldn’t we have flying cars by now and be communicating to each other via telepathic waves while in our Utopian communities? We’re still doing this? Hurting others, looting or destroying local businesses is like stabbing yourself in your own leg – you’re gonna have a hard time walking for awhile, and it’s a setback you could’ve avoided. My inclination is to assume that the majority of the people protesting are not there to flip over cars – but perhaps some got caught up in the social norms of the mob. Be smart. This is not what you’re about and you know this.

We Are All Important

And for those out there protesting for all good intentions – bless you to care enough and take action rather than frivolously posting famous quotes from MLK, Gandhi and others and sit behind a computer screen (like I’m doing now ;)). Stay strong and above those police officers who would choose to “Neglect and to unnerve.” Rather than “To protect and to serve”.

A woman in Omaha stands bravely and peacefully as police shoot projectiles and tear gas.

Peace Officers, Tell Us Your Stories

And if you’re one of the well-intended men and women of law enforcement who are in it for the right reasons and act with integrity, share your perspectives and stories and why you got into law enforcement to serve peace and protect others. We all want to know there are still some Frank Serpico’s out there – those who have integrity. I know there are good cops because they are my friends and family, literally. They are no Chauvin’s or Jonathan Silva’s who abuse their power, have no self-restraint or racist words or actions. So if you haven’t yet, share something that shows that you are not this picture of police brutality or racism that is being exploited at this moment.

Weed Out The Bad Cops

As for those “bad apples” in law-enforcement, let’s get cracking on them. Here’s some resources that could help you take action:

                 

Look up “Brady lists” : The name, taken from a 1963 Supreme Court ruling, Brady v. Maryland, these are lists that District attorney offices across the state keep of officers who have been identified as potentially problematic witnesses. The reasons that may include information about past dishonesty or other bad behavior of the cops involved in the case. But they’re not always complete and can miss cops who were hired after past jobs in other counties. This is our “Megans Law” list, if you want to stand in question of an officer in your area.

Look up Senate Bill 1421 : This gives the public the right to see certain records relating to police misconduct and serious uses of force. You can now request these records under the Public Records Act (“PRA”) — a law that gives the public the right to see the non-confidential documents of our state and local government agencies.

BLM Keep Going! Be Positive. Be Constructive.

So if you’re supporting Black Lives Matter and already doing what you can with your posts, great. And if you are taking a stance, go beyond words and do something, be a part of something that contributes to positivity. Like the organization Corporate Accountability. Take your resourcefulness, creativity and energy to contribute to a positive cause that is actually doing something other than violence.

As astrophysicist Tom Chi mentioned in a Ted Talk that knowledge and knowing, limits you to learn more. Because you’ve settled. In this context, having a point of view without considering new data is only going to inhibit an understanding of each other. But this is ok if you’re one of those who still think the world is flat. Uh yeah, don’t know what to say to you.

But if you believe in a flying cars and a Utopian Society, you can help make that possibility a reality.

Chris Escobar is a coach for introverts and also enjoys helping teams become efficient. He resides in San Jose California with his amazing wife Boom Boom, two almost-automous teenagers: Zolie and Evanusky, and sassy Bichon, Lola.

September 2, 2019

Self-Honesty

Are Your Stories Keeping You From the Truth?

You’ve put in the effort, prepared and dedicated time and you’re still not seeing the results you’d like. Some of these stories may assimilate your situations or literally be the following:

  • It’s been three months and you still haven’t come close to your weight loss targets despite your stated efforts in working out every day.
  • You scored low on your AP Physics exam – and your studying claims for the weeks in preparation seems daunting.
  • Your sales numbers are low – despite the fact that you said you spent many hours on the training webinars and are making the sales calls.

Like I said, they’re just stories. Ones that you keep telling your friends, family and colleagues and that you’re even starting to believe yourself. But the operative word here is “real”. And the real stories are:

  • You did not “work out” every day. But you have walked around the block a few times this past week and went to the gym twice in the past two weeks. Close to your story? Umm, yeah, in a hand grenade way – you threw it in the direction it needed to go and may or may not have completed the objective.
  • You’ve spent more of your study time on TikTok and Instagram than you have on your actual AP Physics homework. But hey, you did study something, right?
  • You’ve crippled your way through less than a quarter of the phone calls that the training webinar recommended. But you did say you were “making the sales calls” (just not how many).

Do You Have A False Sense of Self?

If you were honest with yourself, you wouldn’t play the martyr to your situation and stating your own versions of, “I’m the next American Idol!”. As comedic as some of those outtakes of the young and naive Millennial contestants whose false sense of self,  likely contributed from their parents are, I hope they have gotten in touch with some healthy and honest truth. And if youth sports organizations are still giving out participation ribbons or 10th place trophies for just showing up, God help us all. At least tell our children that there is only 1st, 2nd and 3rd in the Olympics – that might help.

Or perhaps there are other reasons why you don’t tell the real story. Pride, embarrassment, hypocrisy, or blasphemy to your own touted achieving statements [insert your own reasons here]. Or maybe you have Anosognosia. A term used for describing medical and health conditions, meaning:

The lack of ability to perceive the realities of one’s own condition. It’s a person’s inability to accept that they have a condition that matches up with their symptoms or a formal diagnosis.
– Anosognosia Definition

Self-Honesty Is Liberating

OK so you’re not that detached from the realities of yourself and situation. That’s good. Because being dishonest is disabling. Ask someone who is open and quite revealing of themselves and expose their humility for all to see. No, don’t ask them. Just watch them and look at their faces. Chances are they are liberated and quite happy people. When you meet them you’ll feel compelled to ask them what they do in hopes you can make a career change to their job (if it doesn’t require a doctorate). As the term says, “The Truth will set you free” and that’s what they are – free. My best friend is one of those people. He has a name, but we’ll call him what I call him, “Shagger”. It’s short for “Sheep Shagger”, which is what one calls another childhood friend in true brotherhood kinship with Welsh  lineage.

He worked for a small electronics company when he was just starting out after college and sold electronics components, wire harnesses, etc. He went to a client who showed him large blue prints layed out on a drafting board, displaying the intricacies of the circuitry specifications. The engineer was spouting off all kinds of terminology and parts needed, so Scott, um, Shagger asked the man if he could take the blue prints with him. He was obliged and walked in through his company door spouting, “I don’t know what I’m doing! I need help figuring things out.” It’s this humility that gave way for other people to jump in to help him. No ego. Just trying to get his stuff done. When I heard the story at that time, I would have never thought to do that and would let my ego get in the way to never admitting I didn’t know anything.

Focus Your Energy on Doing For Good.

“To hide a lie, a thousand lies are needed.”. And you know that one lie leads to another lie. Even the smallest of white lies takes energy to continue with the lie. And then it hijacks your energy. But Mark Twain said it best: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain Random, old writer dude w/ bad hair That means you’ll have more energy to put into the things that matter, stuff you need to do, and the energy to make you happier.

Here Are Three Things To Get You To Self-Honesty:

Remember, these dishonest stories can get elaborate, grow and evolve like the Poison Fire Coral fungus, which, ironically, can literally shrink your brain by just touching it. So get the real story out there, own it and contribute to the next better version of you.

Chris Escobar is a coach for introverts and also enjoys helping teams become efficient. He resides in San Jose California with his amazing wife Boom Boom, two almost-automous teenagers: Zolie and Evanusky, and sassy Bichon, Lola.

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