Author: C. Escobar

My past experience as a Social Introvert stems back to as early as 7 years old where I identified and connected with Introverts who became my close friends. I instinctively began to help them see their super powers and involve themselves socially in a different way. Reflecting back to high school, college and the early days of my career I realized that the contributions of Introverts in general and on projects I managed were "stone-cold" catalysts that drove conversations, thoughts or ideas in a thoughtful and objective way.

January 1, 2021

Perpetually Question How We Work

Post Pandemic, Continue Asking Why Do We Work the Way We Do.

A.K.A. – Don’t throw out the ham ends…

You may have heard of the baked ham story. The one where the two ends of a ham are cut-off because the oven was too small to accommodate the ham so it had to be put in a smaller pan. Then, generations later, as the “famous” family recipe was handed down, the “tradition” of cutting off each end of the ham continued. Nobody asked why. Maybe family members made up elaborate assumptions on how it affected the flavor or they simply had blind “trust” in Great-Great Grandma May.  It’s a good story to ask “why?” and to do it regularly. As a person who gets a nervous twitch in my right eye every time I see inefficiency, I have a small breath of relief to see remote work continue from the 2019 Novel Coronavirus, for those fortunate to have jobs that allow it. Companies were either forced (by employees or trends) to continue to allow remote work or realized it made for attractive recruiting tactics. Or other reasons that I failed to mention. So for the love of Gilbreth (that is, Frank Bunker Gilbreth, famous efficiency expert), continue asking “why, why, why” and help me manage my eye-twitching.

People seem to be getting more done with less time and needless to say, with less interruptions. Some data reports that 3 interruptions in any given day knocks out 1 hour of your time. People HR says it’s twice that.

And what about the focus time needed to think and process? This is becoming a newly appreciated realization. But let me ask you this: regardless of how much your job requires you to be in the office, how much downtime to think and process do you require to be impactful on a daily basis? (I’m gathering this information in this three minute survey, so please take this if you can – you may even get a Bourbon and Pie sticker for your contribution. One never knows ;)).

To continue on the “why wagon”, and gather more skills to increase effectiveness, here’s a few things to consider:

  1. (Kindly) practice saying “no”. Why are you allowing more work to pile up when you immediately know certain asks of you will kill the next day or week?
  2. Introverts, take heed in this helpful article and avoid an Introvert Hangover.
  3. Remind yourself you have a life outside of work – and if you don’t, find one. Realize you’re not alone with social scarcity with Caution Fatigue still being felt from the pandemic aftermath.

But whatever the case, use the oxygen mask metaphor and put yours on first (AND BREATH) before tackling challenges take you away from the task at hand.

And with all of these areas mentioned, question everything. Constantly. Make it your new habit. Or just keep passing down that same old ham recipe.

July 13, 2020

Should You, Would You, Take on a Persona?

You may or may not know it, but you’ve taken on a persona at one point or another in your life. But why? Gut reaction? Survival? It’s not a bad idea to use this approach.

June 7, 2020

Be Kind Out There

Inciting Violence Is Not Progress

The outrage is just. But violence? Shouldn’t we have flying cars by now and be communicating to each other via telepathic waves while in our Utopian communities? We’re still doing this? Hurting others, looting or destroying local businesses is like stabbing yourself in your own leg – you’re gonna have a hard time walking for awhile, and it’s a setback you could’ve avoided. My inclination is to assume that the majority of the people protesting are not there to flip over cars – but perhaps some got caught up in the social norms of the mob. Be smart. This is not what you’re about and you know this.

We Are All Important

And for those out there protesting for all good intentions – bless you to care enough and take action rather than frivolously posting famous quotes from MLK, Gandhi and others and sit behind a computer screen (like I’m doing now ;)). Stay strong and above those police officers who would choose to “Neglect and to unnerve.” Rather than “To protect and to serve”.

A woman in Omaha stands bravely and peacefully as police shoot projectiles and tear gas.

Peace Officers, Tell Us Your Stories

And if you’re one of the well-intended men and women of law enforcement who are in it for the right reasons and act with integrity, share your perspectives and stories and why you got into law enforcement to serve peace and protect others. We all want to know there are still some Frank Serpico’s out there – those who have integrity. I know there are good cops because they are my friends and family, literally. They are no Chauvin’s or Jonathan Silva’s who abuse their power, have no self-restraint or racist words or actions. So if you haven’t yet, share something that shows that you are not this picture of police brutality or racism that is being exploited at this moment.

Weed Out The Bad Cops

As for those “bad apples” in law-enforcement, let’s get cracking on them. Here’s some resources that could help you take action:

                 

Look up “Brady lists” : The name, taken from a 1963 Supreme Court ruling, Brady v. Maryland, these are lists that District attorney offices across the state keep of officers who have been identified as potentially problematic witnesses. The reasons that may include information about past dishonesty or other bad behavior of the cops involved in the case. But they’re not always complete and can miss cops who were hired after past jobs in other counties. This is our “Megans Law” list, if you want to stand in question of an officer in your area.

Look up Senate Bill 1421 : This gives the public the right to see certain records relating to police misconduct and serious uses of force. You can now request these records under the Public Records Act (“PRA”) — a law that gives the public the right to see the non-confidential documents of our state and local government agencies.

BLM Keep Going! Be Positive. Be Constructive.

So if you’re supporting Black Lives Matter and already doing what you can with your posts, great. And if you are taking a stance, go beyond words and do something, be a part of something that contributes to positivity. Like the organization Corporate Accountability. Take your resourcefulness, creativity and energy to contribute to a positive cause that is actually doing something other than violence.

As astrophysicist Tom Chi mentioned in a Ted Talk that knowledge and knowing, limits you to learn more. Because you’ve settled. In this context, having a point of view without considering new data is only going to inhibit an understanding of each other. But this is ok if you’re one of those who still think the world is flat. Uh yeah, don’t know what to say to you.

But if you believe in a flying cars and a Utopian Society, you can help make that possibility a reality.

Chris Escobar is a coach for introverts and also enjoys helping teams become efficient. He resides in San Jose California with his amazing wife Boom Boom, two almost-automous teenagers: Zolie and Evanusky, and sassy Bichon, Lola.

June 7, 2020

Do You, Do…You?

Have you ever tried to be someone you’re not? We’ve all done it. Maybe we’re trying to impress someone or fit in with a certain crowd. But in the end, it never feels quite right. Chris Escobar, a coach for introverts, learned this lesson the hard way. He tried to use buzzwords and phrases to impress a potential business partner, but it only backfired. In his own words, “I was being a tool.” The lesson here is simple: be yourself. It’s a lesson we’ve all heard before, but it’s worth repeating. And in Chris’s case, it’s a lesson he’s now passing on to others.

June 6, 2020

Time Tools

Regrets, Do You Have a Few?

Have you ever worked on a project, presentation or proposal whereby after it was completed, wished you had more time for incubating ideas or just time in general to properly complete? More importantly, wished you had spoken-up or reached out to the right people to make it better before the project was launched? I know I have, and ended up with the opposite feeling of why Jeff Bezos started Amazon: “Regret Minimization Framework”. He basically didn’t want to look back in his life and have many regrets. And back then, being a part of this Internet thing, to some, looked the same as investing in muscle pants in the 90’s (who knew that they only looked good when rocked with a well-coiffed mullet). But the framework that drove Bezos to start a near $3 billion-dollar business is simple:

Bezo’s Regret Minimization Framework he adopted

And what about you? Did you ever have regret that you didn’t take any action that would ultimately help all involved: you, your colleagues, partners, and ultimately, the company’s bottom line?

And how about those projects, presentations and proposals that you, your team or whole company had to revisit, after a launch, release, or an event? Did you learn anything or did you keep your mouth shut while you contribute to the Redundant Department of Redundancy in rebuilding, revamping and revising? Or perhaps you have your masochistic ways and enjoy the clean-up work with your bitterness and angst seeping through your body language, words and actions while wiping-up the mess.

Would things have been any different had you stepped in and been an advocate for everyone’s time? Could an email, talking to some key people or speaking up in meetings change the course of humankind?  Even if nobody listened to you, you would have at least achieved Regret Minimization. And Bezos would be proud – no, actually he would say, “hell yeah, sista!”. (And then you could say, “I told you so” to those you communicated to…nah! (But it would feel pretty good, right? 😉 ).

Yesterday Is Gone…Or Could Be Gone

When Sir Paul McCartney woke with a melody that came to him in a dream, the only lyrics he could put to it was:

Scrambled eggs, Oh my baby how I love your legs, Not as much as I love scrambled eggs…

Sir Paul McCartney Top Beatle

And that’s all he had for months and months. The song was considered a running joke between bandmates (and if you don’t know who I’m talking about yet, it’s The Beatles 😉 ) Each time the band got in the studio, Sir McCartney tried to convince everyone that he really wanted to record it. Once McCartney finally put together some solid lyrics and replaced “Scrambled eggs” with “Yesterday”, he was able to convince his bandmates and producer George Martin to record the song, which he did solo along with a string quartet. It was finally released in the US as a single in September, 1965. And yet the song was so different from other works by the Beatles that the band members vetoed the release of the song as a single in the United Kingdom.

Despite the differences, Yesterday became musical history and has even been voted as the best song of the 20th century in some circles. It also went on to be covered over 3000 times (as per this writing); those including great artists such as: Elvis, Marvin Gaye, Frank Sinatra, Liberace, and Joan Baez.

So bravo for Sir McCartney for pushing his work.

Do you have a “Yesterday” that you could have pushed to make great?

Some Tools For Your Utility Belt

Here are three tips to enable you to be part of the solution and help contribute to better outcomes when you see an opportunity to share:

  • DON’T THINK. ACT :
    Former NASA-rocket-designer-turned-leading-time-management-expert, Peter Turla said something in his course that I took from him years ago that stuck with me: “If you have to swallow a frog, don’t stare at it too long.” (Peter changed “swallow” to “kiss” to alleviate the thought of consuming a frog). This Mark Twain quote accompanied a rubber frog that Peter gave each of us. I kept it on my desk as a constant reminder to “Just Do It”. And it was an effective tool that kept on giving. So if you have something to say, just say it. And if you think it will come out wrong, you can always apologize to make it right. Just get it out. This is one atrophied muscle that needs to be pumped.
  • DON’T ASSUME EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING :
    That’s the principle of Social Proof : Taking on a particular mode of social behavior that is loaded with assuming that everyone else knows what they’re doing (and they typically don’t). Consequently, you stop trusting your gut instincts. But by knowing this, you’ll likely ask questions and bring things up, which may also help others who have the same questions and concerns.
  • CHANGE SEATS :
    People get used to each other in a setting or meeting cadence, where they observe and learn behaviours of them. These basic survival traits don’t take long to get solidified so they can mentally prepare themselves for their surroundings. Break that. Change your usual seat in the conference room, sit in an alert and engaged manner and actively choose to be present to respond or react to subjects that yearn for your amazing insight. Break the team’s solidified folkways and let them know you are there to make a difference.

Don’t Be Scrambled Eggs

So be an advocate to your ideas and contributions by stepping up and giving them more time and considerations by: Acting, Not-Assuming and Mixing Things Up. Or you can just keep them as scrambled eggs where yesterday would be regret maximization.

Chris Escobar is a coach for introverts and also enjoys helping teams become efficient. He resides in San Jose California with his amazing wife Boom Boom, two almost-automous teenagers: Zolie and Evanusky, and sassy Bichon, Lola.

 

March 9, 2020

Why I Coach Introverts

Freedom Is An Opportunity To Help – The Jist of Me Is Freedom

“Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.”

Albert Camus – French author, journalist and philosopher

If you want to know the jist, core of me, it’s freedom. That’s my constant motor and what’s driven my life and also in my choosing to coach Introverts (as an homage to Introverts, for the duration of this article, I’m intentionally capitalize the “I” in Introverts). If you were to meet me, you’ll likely see the outgoing freedom part and not think for one second that I’m an Introvert. But I am and it started way back when I was a wee man. I would stay in my bedroom for hours doing crafts, tearing apart toys to see how they worked and building countless model airplanes and cars.

I also loved to go on solo bike rides; I would wake early in the morning, throw the covers off, and already fully clothed would run out the door, jump on my bike and ride into the morning sun. I loved that nobody was around except a few stray cars. And for me, that was pure freedom.

Notwithstanding, both at home and school, I loved to play outside with my classmates. You may have played similar recess games where you’re from, but among those we played : Crack the Whip, Red Rover and Smear the Queer (for those of you in the Bay Area, you probably remember this one and each could attest that we didn’t know what a queer was – it was just a funny name that rhymed 🙂 ). But here’s some details of what those games were based on my personal accounts :

Crack The Whip

Where a kid at the end of an arm-locked line of kids running as fast as they can in a snake pattern, gets thrown 12 feet, lands on either their back, head or shoulder and shakes off the concussion and keeps going.

Smear The Queer

(Those of you in the Bay Area may know this one. To others: In all honesty, we didn’t know what a queer was – kids just like things that rhyme.) This game was whereby anyone holding a ball gets selected by being screamed at, “you’re it!” and suddenly, it’s you verses the world (i.e., every kid in the playground), chasing you across an entire grass field, until your crushing demise when 10 of them tackle and pile on top of you. Inevitably, one kid gets the wind knocked out of them and can’t breath for about 30 seconds while a small group of others lean over the top of them to see what going to happen. The only disappointing part is the game never quite lives up to its name.

Red Rover

A line of kids with locked arms sweetly chants a playful “Red Rover, Red Rover” and calls a lucky contestant by name, challenging them to break the locked arm grip. As they run in full-sprint towards the challenger line, you and your fellow comrad look at eachother in unison with a knowing and evil smile and attempt to “clothesline” them across their neck forcing their legs to fly upwards while they land on their arses.

PLEASE SHARE your: asphalt-rash, blue/green/yellow bruises or grass-stained stories with me either directly or in the comments on this posting.]

Back in the classroom, I sobered up real quick from the playground. I was quiet. And when I would get called on by the teacher I would clam up. I had little confidence, compared to my outdoor physical abilities, as attested by my grass-stained, Toughskin™ Jeans.  But I was also restless as bored as a police officer with a radar gun working an Amish highway. 

I didn’t see the point of learning about the perils and triumphs of “Janet and Mark” (or Dick and Jane) and how that had anything to do with building cars or airplanes or becoming an astronaut. So, other than recess, not only did I find school less than exciting, but also quite uncomfortable. 

They say your environment heavily influences introversion. And in my case, being a subject in a dictatorship regime, ruled by my United-States-Marine-Korean-War-Veteran-and-proud-Teamster-dad, my older sister and I weren’t allowed to say much. (However, the home-leadership ruling party would temporarily flip to a Democracy for my youngest sister, when she decided to sass-back and say what she felt). To say she could get away with murder was close to the literal truth as she somehow had some cosmic ability to put dad under a spell.  This ability could have been freedom for me, but instead I had to learn how to argue like a lawyer when I wanted to go out with my friends.  But had my father known about the amazing effects of Psychological Safety, perhaps things would be different.  And if so, monkeys would fly out of my butt, to coin a phrase by W. Campbell, a public access television show personality. 

But in school and throughout college, I preferred chatting with the quiet, the socially-awkward and the quirky people – yes, the Introverts. And for me, that was freedom. Freedom from peer pressure and to choose to hang out with people of interest to me. I didn’t need to hang out with the popular kids with one-dimensional, hormonal interests. These other quirky people were far more interesting.

One of my first best friends was Andy, in 1st grade. He had very little physical ability, spoke with a lisp, and had pasty white clammy hands – seemingly always clasped together. He was almost tragically shy and very nervous. Classically trained in piano, he adorned a t-shirt with a cartoon of Beethoven on it for our class photo, which was in high-contrast to others with Scooby-Doo or Starsky and Hutch t-shirts. I felt it was my duty to transport this kid into coolsville to at least let the world know how amazing he was. And for me, that was freedom. I got the feeling that his first-generation German parents were concerned about his and his older brother’s aversion to toys or outside activities as they created this amazing, massive playroom in the loft of their large, A-frame house. They even build him a treehouse that was painted white inside and out. A far cry from my fort that I had built with overlapping scrap wood in the back of my parents tool shed that was ground-level (I later build a hatch and ladder where yo u can climb up to the top of the shed that was pretty badass – digression #2). But still, Andy’s was very plain. So I talked him into mounting his Snoopy pennant and other posters on the inside walls. I brought my Oakland A’s 1972 World Champions pennant to juxtapose his, along with some other posters I had. It was still sterile as tree houses go, but it was cooler and he liked it. And for me, that was freedom – to help a homie out and to show him he can let loose a little bit. All we needed was some firecrackers to throw out the windows and slingshots to shoot squirrels in the nearby trees. (Which I really think his parents would encourage).

And so this trend continued through high school and to college. In high school, I was part of a small contingency of off-the-beaten mischief instigators. We had gross-out contests with each other, initiated “egg wars” in nearby orchards and fields and had unapologetically cruel nick names for those kids in school who had obvious but less-than-appealing physical features. We never put harm on anybody and preferred that we had our own inside world of language, starting off and ending every sentence with, “Swear to God” (definitely far from any religion intention). Aside from this, I still had an affinity to hang out with the quieter people and although I was in sports, preferred to hang out with the mischief-makers and quiet people, rather than adorn my jersey on game day. And for me, this was freedom.

In college, I befriended Steve, whom I met in a speech class which started first thing in the morning. As we waited outside for the classroom to open its doors, he explained his completely whacked-out and bizarre dreams to me. He was like a mad scientist when he talked with his waving hands and fingers constantly moving doing a kinda hocus-pocus magician thing. He had all kinds of fascinating projects he worked on at home too but for the most part he was a huge dream enthusiast. After his speech on dream definitions and tips on how to remember your dreams, many people came to him before class asking him what their dreams meant. It was fascinating! Mind you, not a popular thing of that time. He was extremely creative and had a lot to share and apparently, he felt comfortable with telling all of his thoughts and ideas to me. It was super fun – and that was freedom to me.

When I got into the professional world as a project manager, I worked with many personality types and among them were the creatives and engineers who tended to be less likely to speak up – yes, the Introverts. And I found out an amazing thing:  when they’re comfortable and also during one-on-one meetings, they speak more. A lot more.  Perhaps my expectation bar was low, but it was surprising. And when what they had to say came out more, I was able to use that to find out how to better get the project done. There was a lot of holding back key information that would have been really helpful in a meeting, but they were comfortable to tell me in the hallway after the meeting or when we met one-on-one. And in business, that sometimes is too late. I saw it as an opportunity to help the project via efficiency or better communication.

So if that doesn’t help you to understand a bit more of why I choose to coach Introverts, I hope you’ll not feel you’re in a dictatorship regime and that you can tell me in a freedom-to-protest way, Introvert-rant way, or any way you feel.

March 3, 2020

Collaboration: Key to Dynamic & Fluid Teams

Inclusion and Collaboration Breeds Better Business

We could all use a little more championing, advocacy and awareness for others. And at this point, if you haven’t heard about safety (Psychological Safety) and EQ (Emotional Intelligence) you’ve probably been away for some time on an island with no internet.

EQ, short for Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence, is the fuel that generates an acute awareness of others and also having an awareness of, control of, and the ability to share your emotions. It’s also the fuel that enables you to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically and enhances others around you to “reveal” themselves and their ideas. And if you get the others in the room to share, you can get the rest of the lot to jump in and contribute to build-on optimal solutions.  It’s like having a cave full of gold in arm’s reach that you didn’t know existed but was always there. Once you figure this out, you’ll be an “everybody advocate” for life. A Harvard MBA in hand alone, won’t do all of that ;).

I’m not talking about enabling others to rely on you to help them reveal themselves, but it may feel like that at times. Sometimes it’s just a small push. Consider it, doing the right thing for the betterment of the team and organization. (OK all you Gordon Gekko’s in the room can just stop and get off the bus right here!).

Are You Even Aware?

You may not even know you have a people advocacy deficit in your team or organization. Maybe you’re already operating at a decent level and think you’re running just fine without all of this fluffy, hoity-toity, woo woo mumbo-jumbo. And maybe you’re still able to get from point A to point B and get your stuff done and reach your quarterly goals. But also a car with bald tires running on leaded gas like they had in the 70’s can do that too – emitting black soot toxins into the air with the balding tires about to bust open. Sure, you’ll get there but not always in the most optimal way and you’re leaving behind a path of damage without even knowing it.

What is Your Team and Organization’s Culture?

But there is hope and you can be the change you want to see in your world (to almost quote Gandhi).

In general, there is an underwhelming amount of EQ muscle memory that is yet to be fully realized in the business world. Let’s say you’re running a meeting and have some problems to solve that determines the next three months of work. You put it to the team to figure it out. In typical tribe behaviour, those whom you’d expect to speak first, typically do. Their opening comments may start with louder-than-necessary vocal variety, with hands and arms flailing in unison to unwavering and generally likable charismatic facial expressions. But they have emphasized their points, speculated thoughts, cited industry trends, backed by some Harvard Business Review data and other key points. And there’s nothing wrong with this – if it’s just a warm up act to more ideas from others to open up and share. However, this warm-up act  becomes the main event in most cases and all the other acts never get off the bench.

…opening comments may start with louder-than-necessary vocal variety, with hands and arms flailing in unison to unwavering and generally likable charismatic facial expressions…

The first to talk in a meeting
(it’s cool if everyone else chimes in)

And who is this person that I’ve implied is obnoxious and selfish? In some cases it’s someone who wants to break the silence. It may likely be someone who has unofficially and unknowingly fallen into a norm as “the first to talk”. And the bad behaviours continue from there. And the objective and ideas (and maybe innovative ideas) stay floating in the heads of those who do not or can not speak, for various reasons.

…Meanwhile, back to the meeting…

You ask if anybody else has any adds or ideas. Crickets chirp, so you put it to vote and everyone “agrees” to move forward with the “flailing” idea that the team spends the next ~2000+ hours of work on. At this point a few things could have been done:

  1. You table the decision to a later time (end of day or next day), encouraging others to send you back ideas or confirmations of the directions.
  2. You table the decision and make a point to meet separately with all who didn’t speak up to see what their thoughts are.
  3. You do a blind vote (email, text, Slack) asking what is a reasonable amount of time for all to process and consider the direction. You follow up telling the team the decision date and set up time to do vote.

They all sound more cumbersome than necessary but what is the cost of 2000+ hours of work to your business?

This is hard stuff to get business to move forward and not all of the above suggestions are possible, given short time frames and may sound ridiculous. But if you had the safety and EQ culture to begin with, most of this goes away.

For those who didn’t speak-up or refrained from communicating in other ways, you may think that it’s their problem but ultimately it will become yours and everybody’s problem too.

We Are All Surrounded by Greatness

Many times it is the initial thought that is shared by the Introvert that starts an all-inclusive collaborative discussion by all that ultimately yields a better idea than the initially proposed one. Statistically, this is a fact and science has proven this. See Margaret Heffernan’s TED Talk on Super Chickens.

So how can you enable an optimal team? Build your social capital and if people aren’t able to bring up conflicting, controversial or challenging thoughts and ideas, you’re doing it wrong. All of this takes time to build – like all good things in life, such as Bourbon! Here are some tips to be a better people advocate:

  • Vulnerability Share : Be vulnerable and share one thing with an introvert on your team that reveals an alternative side of yourself to start the ball rolling. This will inevitably open up the doors of communication.
  • Invest Your Time : Connect one-on-one with everyone on your team – especially the introverts. The payoff compounds almost instantly.  You don’t have to be best friends with everybody but understanding them builds an unmatched team dynamic.
  • Build Trust : In advance of an announcement email you’re going to send or a meeting or even an idea that you have, share with them privately about what you’re going to cover and ask if they have any thoughts. They’ll appreciate the time to process and maybe even provide some insight that you could prompt in a meeting.
  • Make space : Yes, this is Psychological Safety. Advocate meeting routines that everyone gets a chance to share and/or contribute. Prompt questions to incite others to speak – “Hey Karin, I noticed you might have some thoughts on this – what do you think?…”
  • Engagement Preference(s)? : Ask if they have a preference. Maybe they want to be quiet in a meeting and prefer to share thoughts and ideas afterwards? Encourage them to convey this to others and also advocate this on their behalf.

You Already Know What To Do

Of course you each have your own cultures and dynamics and would know when best to make adjustments to make all of this work and ultimately create a safe environment. And I really believe everybody’s job is to do that. And in a real way not fake way. And, if you’re one of those first to talk people, and nobody else talks when you prompted it. Talk to those people outside of the meeting and ask them what they need or if they do want to talk to begin with. If they don’t, that is not your problem. all I’m getting at here is when you get everybody to talk you get equality and productivity and happiness and great ideas and innovativeness and creativeness and y’all get to go home and eventually get more time to have your bourbon and pie. ~Σ

Chris Escobar is an Introvert Coach and also helps teams become more efficient through organizational development work. He resides in San Jose California with his amazingly supportive wife Boom Boom, sweet and smart daughter Zolie and ever loving and very funny son Evanusky.

Oh, and a sassy Bichon named Lola.

September 2, 2019

Self-Honesty

Are Your Stories Keeping You From the Truth?

You’ve put in the effort, prepared and dedicated time and you’re still not seeing the results you’d like. Some of these stories may assimilate your situations or literally be the following:

  • It’s been three months and you still haven’t come close to your weight loss targets despite your stated efforts in working out every day.
  • You scored low on your AP Physics exam – and your studying claims for the weeks in preparation seems daunting.
  • Your sales numbers are low – despite the fact that you said you spent many hours on the training webinars and are making the sales calls.

Like I said, they’re just stories. Ones that you keep telling your friends, family and colleagues and that you’re even starting to believe yourself. But the operative word here is “real”. And the real stories are:

  • You did not “work out” every day. But you have walked around the block a few times this past week and went to the gym twice in the past two weeks. Close to your story? Umm, yeah, in a hand grenade way – you threw it in the direction it needed to go and may or may not have completed the objective.
  • You’ve spent more of your study time on TikTok and Instagram than you have on your actual AP Physics homework. But hey, you did study something, right?
  • You’ve crippled your way through less than a quarter of the phone calls that the training webinar recommended. But you did say you were “making the sales calls” (just not how many).

Do You Have A False Sense of Self?

If you were honest with yourself, you wouldn’t play the martyr to your situation and stating your own versions of, “I’m the next American Idol!”. As comedic as some of those outtakes of the young and naive Millennial contestants whose false sense of self,  likely contributed from their parents are, I hope they have gotten in touch with some healthy and honest truth. And if youth sports organizations are still giving out participation ribbons or 10th place trophies for just showing up, God help us all. At least tell our children that there is only 1st, 2nd and 3rd in the Olympics – that might help.

Or perhaps there are other reasons why you don’t tell the real story. Pride, embarrassment, hypocrisy, or blasphemy to your own touted achieving statements [insert your own reasons here]. Or maybe you have Anosognosia. A term used for describing medical and health conditions, meaning:

The lack of ability to perceive the realities of one’s own condition. It’s a person’s inability to accept that they have a condition that matches up with their symptoms or a formal diagnosis.
– Anosognosia Definition

Self-Honesty Is Liberating

OK so you’re not that detached from the realities of yourself and situation. That’s good. Because being dishonest is disabling. Ask someone who is open and quite revealing of themselves and expose their humility for all to see. No, don’t ask them. Just watch them and look at their faces. Chances are they are liberated and quite happy people. When you meet them you’ll feel compelled to ask them what they do in hopes you can make a career change to their job (if it doesn’t require a doctorate). As the term says, “The Truth will set you free” and that’s what they are – free. My best friend is one of those people. He has a name, but we’ll call him what I call him, “Shagger”. It’s short for “Sheep Shagger”, which is what one calls another childhood friend in true brotherhood kinship with Welsh  lineage.

He worked for a small electronics company when he was just starting out after college and sold electronics components, wire harnesses, etc. He went to a client who showed him large blue prints layed out on a drafting board, displaying the intricacies of the circuitry specifications. The engineer was spouting off all kinds of terminology and parts needed, so Scott, um, Shagger asked the man if he could take the blue prints with him. He was obliged and walked in through his company door spouting, “I don’t know what I’m doing! I need help figuring things out.” It’s this humility that gave way for other people to jump in to help him. No ego. Just trying to get his stuff done. When I heard the story at that time, I would have never thought to do that and would let my ego get in the way to never admitting I didn’t know anything.

Focus Your Energy on Doing For Good.

“To hide a lie, a thousand lies are needed.”. And you know that one lie leads to another lie. Even the smallest of white lies takes energy to continue with the lie. And then it hijacks your energy. But Mark Twain said it best: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” Mark Twain Random, old writer dude w/ bad hair That means you’ll have more energy to put into the things that matter, stuff you need to do, and the energy to make you happier.

Here Are Three Things To Get You To Self-Honesty:

Remember, these dishonest stories can get elaborate, grow and evolve like the Poison Fire Coral fungus, which, ironically, can literally shrink your brain by just touching it. So get the real story out there, own it and contribute to the next better version of you.

Chris Escobar is a coach for introverts and also enjoys helping teams become efficient. He resides in San Jose California with his amazing wife Boom Boom, two almost-automous teenagers: Zolie and Evanusky, and sassy Bichon, Lola.

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